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The line I hear most from men who aren’t ready to change: "everybody does it." And the numbers seem to back them up. A Barna survey found about two-thirds of American men view porn at least monthly, and nearly eight in ten of those 18 to 30 years old. Link. So why make it a big deal? St. Augustine said, “Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.” Everybody does it tells you a lot of men are stuck in the same thing and nobody is talking about it. It doesn’t make it harmless. Everybody isn’t sitting across from your wife when she finds out. You are. “Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.” [Romans 12:2] Standing apart from everybody isn’t pride. It’s recovery, and it’s a lot less lonely with other men walking the same direction. And for the betrayed wife reading this: if you ever heard “all guys do it,” it never made the pain smaller. You’re not overreacting to something normal. You’re responding honestly to something wrong. 2 Practical Tips: To Battle Lust: When “everybody does it” shows up in your head, answer it out loud: “Maybe so. But does that make it right?” To Help Your Wife Heal: Tell her you’re done hiding behind “everybody does it,” ask what it was like for her when you treated it as no big deal, then listen without defending. “I used to tell myself everyone does it. I’m done with that. I want to hear what it was like for you.” If deeper disclosure is needed, do that with a coach or therapist present. Right is right, even if no one is doing it. Join Inner Child + Beyond Group here. Remember, "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!" [Philippians 4:13] —Steve Join a FINALLY FREE! GROUP here. 🎙Listen to the Podcast: Catholics Fight Porn here. Sign up for a Daily 'Boost' TEXT for Motivation here. Book a 20-minute Intro Discovery Call here. Book a 1:1 Session w/Steve here. Read past Newsletters at the BLOG. Donate to CFP to support this work here. |
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The addict brain loves edging. It gets the hit without “technically” acting out. Edging is living on the edge of lust without crossing the line you’ve drawn. A lingering look. A scroll through “harmless” photos. Pictures that are "not porn." A fantasy replayed in your head. You tell yourself it doesn’t count because you didn’t go all the way. Your brain doesn’t care. It still gets the rush. “Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire, when it has...
“If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.” [Psalm 55:12-14] That is why it cuts so deep. A stranger can’t hurt your wife like the man she trusted. Think about verse 14. This is someone who shared sweet fellowship, who walked into church beside her, who prayed next to her,...
You’ve done the hard work of staying sober. You’ve read the books, gone to the meetings, and kept grinding through the urges. And still, the same reactions keep showing up: the anger that comes out of nowhere, the shutting down, the need to escape when things get tense. That’s usually not a sobriety problem. It’s an old-wound problem. And it can be healed. There’s a second hard piece too, and it’s the one many men skip: empathy. Real empathy isn’t saying “I’m sorry” and moving on. It’s the...