Stop Edging to be Free
|
The addict brain loves edging. It gets the hit without “technically” acting out. Edging is living on the edge of lust without crossing the line you’ve drawn. A lingering look. A scroll through “harmless” photos. Pictures that are "not porn." A fantasy replayed in your head. You tell yourself it doesn’t count because you didn’t go all the way. Your brain doesn’t care. It still gets the rush. “Each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire, when it has conceived, gives birth to sin.” [James 1:14-15] “Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure.” [CCC 2351] Notice the words “inordinate enjoyment.” Edging is exactly that: enjoying the desire for its own sake, even if you stop short of the act. Notice the order in James' letter, too. Lured, enticed, conceived. The fall begins long before the click. Edging is the lure and the enticement, and it keeps the craving alive. Here’s the hard truth: you won’t be free until you eliminate edging behaviors. So ask the simple question: would your wife approve of your edging behaviors? If the answer is no, then you already know what to do. Ask yourself:
And for the betrayed wife reading this: if he was “sober” while edging, the pain you felt wasn’t imagined. Your instincts picked up on something real. That isn’t being controlling. It’s being honest. 2 Practical Tips: To Battle Lust: Write down your top three edging behaviors, the ones you say “don’t count.” Tell your accountability partner this week, and put one guardrail on each, like blocking the app or changing your route. To Help Your Wife Heal: Tell her you’re done with the “technically” excuses, ask whether she’s noticed edging behaviors you missed, then listen without defending. “I’m cutting out the gray areas. What have you noticed that I’ve been blind to?” Don’t demand anything in return. Real freedom means no more “technically.” Cut the edge, and you cut the craving. Start today. Join the New Inner Child + Beyond Group here. Remember, "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!" [Philippians 4:13] —Steve Join a FINALLY FREE! GROUP here. 🎙Listen to the Podcast: Catholics Fight Porn here. Sign up for a Daily 'Boost' TEXT for Motivation here. Book a 20-minute Intro Discovery Call here. Book a 1:1 Session w/Steve here. Read past Newsletters at the BLOG. Donate to CFP to support this work here.
|
CFP
We help men overcome lustful behavior. Subscribe to my newsletter.
“If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.” [Psalm 55:12-14] That is why it cuts so deep. A stranger can’t hurt your wife like the man she trusted. Think about verse 14. This is someone who shared sweet fellowship, who walked into church beside her, who prayed next to her,...
You’ve done the hard work of staying sober. You’ve read the books, gone to the meetings, and kept grinding through the urges. And still, the same reactions keep showing up: the anger that comes out of nowhere, the shutting down, the need to escape when things get tense. That’s usually not a sobriety problem. It’s an old-wound problem. And it can be healed. There’s a second hard piece too, and it’s the one many men skip: empathy. Real empathy isn’t saying “I’m sorry” and moving on. It’s the...
It’s Election Day. Recovery teaches us to show up even when the outcome is uncertain. Today is no different. Do your part. Go vote. Let God handle the rest. Here’s the truth recovery taught me: you can’t control the outcome, only your part. We keep our side of the street clean. You don’t get to control whether your wife trusts you again. You don’t get to control every trigger or every hard day. What you control is what you do today: the call, the meeting, the honest conversation. You do your...